The penultimate episode of Gossip Girl season 2 was the most ridiculous, and therefore most AWESOME, story they’ve come up with. Georgina is back, but as a born-again Christian complete with OMJC tshirt (a play on the OMFGG branding). Serena arrested for stealing her own bracelet. The gang let someone who frauded millions of dollars to get away because he had feelings of true love for Serena. Rufus didn’t propose to Lilly because she invested money for him. And so on…

The only true part of the episode was Chuck not telling Blair how he really felt. And Chuck got the best line: “She’s a faux-ialite”.

Mad props to Australian indie artist Gotye having his (two year old) song “Heart’s a Mess” used during the closing montage.

Blair and Nate, back together. In high school terms, Nate is the legend of the show. He’s been with every major female cast member approximately his age: Blair, Serena, Jenny, Vanessa and now back to Blair. Although Chuck is catching up, and there is no way Blair will last. I think it’s fantastic that the show can have a complete swap of relationships in a single episode without a lot of drama.

Also, isn’t it a little weird that Chuck would be so welcome at Jenny’s 16th birthday party? After all, he did try to date rape her… twice.

Page one of Lily Bass’s (nee van der Woodsen) list of former “close friends”. Two important points: (a) Slash!! (we already knew about Trent Reznor) and (b) no mention of a van der Woodsen. Who is Serena and Eric’s father?

I know this isn’t possible, but it would be fantastic if it turned out being Rufus.

I found time to catch up on Gossip Girl and really enjoyed the most recent episode. I have not read the official-un-official recap yet, but let’s list my highlights and see how close I get.

• death by Dorota
• “it’s the event of the season” (this phrase must be uttered every 1.75 GG episodes minimum)
• “refresh, refresh, refresh!” as Blair is waiting for her Yale acceptance.
• “Jack is blood. He thinks too much like me” as Chuck complains that his attempts to frame his uncle are unsuccessful (underage hookers, planting coke in his gym bag, two transexuals)
• “Dan Humphrey!?! He’s like a cafeteria lady who won the lottery. You couldn’t pry that acceptance from his hands with the jaws of life” - Blair lets it be known.
• “Witch hunts are my valium” - more Blair
• “2nd semester seniors get a free pass, like pregnant ladies and 14 year-old chinese gymnasts” - Blair explaining the rules to the new hot teacher.
• “Cancel the Nelly Yuki project, now!”
• When gay Eric teaches Rufus “opera for dummies”
• The way the witches (Blair, Penelope, etc) cackle after setting up the teacher
• Chuck Bass, extremely famous underage heir to the Bass fortune, being served alcohol at the opera.
• “Maybe we can get a headstart on your veganism?” - Blair to Serena after Serena says she is going to Brown.
• Rufus and Lilly planning to hit the Newport Creamery.

But, it is all topped by:

Dorota: Uh oh, is it war?

Blair: Yes, but this one will be different. I need to wait for my moment and then i’m going black ops. off the radar, no accountability. This war I’m gonna win.

Meanwhile, I predict the recap will make a big deal about Serena’s appearance (I thought she looked better than usual this episode).

Serena van der Woodsen, Upper East Side socialite, taken by Aaron Rose, artist (but we all know he’s a slimy asshole who will break Serena’s heart). How cool is it that The CW releases the work as if it is real?

I find it weird that Serena/Blake can look great in photographs but all wrong when in motion. Conversely, Blair/Leighton usually looks bad in photographs but there is something about her in motion that is impossible to capture. Seriously, the actor deserves an Oscar for her ability to use her face/eyebrows/mouth/nose to convey a mixture of anger, exasperation, dismissal, conceit, superiority and, above all, vulnerability.

Gossip Girl is the Shakespeare of our time. “Okay, wait, pause”, that doesn’t really make sense. It’s like a Jane Austen novel written via TXT. It’s Swan Lake performed in a Jamba Juice. Whatever.

Without a doubt, my new absolute favourite moment from Gossip Girl: in the most recent episode we learned that Dorota’s ringtone is Britney’s “I’m a slave 4 U”.

[Update: NYMag.com gives the ringtone +25. Rightly so!]